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Thursday, February 02, 2012

Te Amo, Mi Señor

Dear Daddy,

We spent the whole day today in our house in Mayon. We didn't have maids for the day and The Hubby needed to do some errands (duh!). Because I can't handle your 2 grandchildren all by myself, I decided we better go to Mommy and stay there for the day (because you have 2 maids there, yey!).

It turned out Mom wasn't there! That itchy feet took over again. The night before, I was exchanging text messages with her and she told me her blood pressure was up and she's feeling dizzy. So no one can blame me for being so surprised to arrive at 9am and found out she's already in Baler, Quezon (6 hours drive from Manila) with her cousins. Grabe sa pagka lakwatsera!

Did you know that your favorite peddlers still come by the house on a regular basis to sell their various goodies to Mom? There's this guy who sells mangoes, corns and sweet potatoes who came by while I was there. It was my first time to see him and I was pleasantly surprised at how reasonably (cheap) priced his goods were that I bought a lot - he couldn't believe it. Haha!

Then he told me, "Si Señor madami laging bumili yun! Suking suki ko yun...." (Señor used to buy a lot from me too. He is my regular patron). He then mentioned how kind and generous this Señor was. I got curious and was about to ask him, 'Who is señor?' when he blurted, 'Kahit bulag na sya bumibili pa din' (He still buys from me even after he got blind).

That's when I realized he was referring to you. OMG! Someone called you Señor? I almost laughed at the thought. Anyway, it made me one hell of a proud daughter that people still remember you for your kindness. It made me miss you even more, Dad.

Anyway, we made ourselves comfortable despite Mom's absence to cook for us and entertain the kids. I decided to take the kids to your room later in the afternoon for a short nap, especially the little boy who started to get frisky. It was my first time to be in your room unaccompanied by Mommy since you left. It felt strange at first, like someone (was it you?) was watching us but after a short while we managed to doze off and the feeling of being home just like when I was still single and living with you crept back in. It felt great, to be honest.

I guess that feeling came because finally I have accepted that you have gone to the afterlife. Yes, after two and a half years, I am finally able to let go and shed all my regrets of not having spent every quality time I could have with you. It's not that I no longer miss you. I still cry a tear or two and sometimes shake my head briskly when I think about you - especially that final moment when the angels came for you but it's not that painful anymore. Instead, I smile at the happy memories I was able to keep in my heart like coins in a piggy bank.

I love you Daddy. My flying kisses are on the way...

Your Kikay


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